Category: Reviews


Blaze Bayley – Bannermans, Edinburgh 11/12/11

I’ve been fucking bored of heavy metal these days. I couldn’t even remember what I liked about it. Nothing could pull me out of this depression. Not Manowar’s first Glasgow date in 200 years, not a Priest-Maiden live one-two punch to my ear scrotum, not Joe Elliot performing Animal right at me personally. Shut up, he did. No, the thing that finally restored my faith in the mystical properties of denim & leather was a bald man in his late forties thrusting his beer gut enthusiastically into a half-filled cellar of sweat & beards.

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Five Finger Death Punch – American Capitalist

Five Finger Death Punch – American Capitalist

Five Finger Death Punch – American Capitalist

Five Finger Derpy Doo

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Machine Head – Unto The Locust

Machine Head – Unto The Locust

Machine Head – Unto The Locust

Personally I like to top my shit sandwiches with a vomit mayo and a dash of grated cock meat but each to their own. Machine Head will doubtless have their own ideas, presented for us now and probably involving a combination of awkwardly composed choruses and poorly conceived rapping. Though Robb Flynn‘s promises of classical guitar lessons and technical ecstasy have at least mildly intrigued me…

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Mastodon – The Hunter

Mastodon – The Hunter

Mastodon – The Hunter

It’s come that time again, folks. I’ve crawled out from under my rock to hurl incoherent abuse at another poor old metal band who’ve committed the cardinal sin of doing something different. So what have they done to get me riled up enough to pull my shit encrusted fingers from my battered ringpiece & bother my keyboard? Wearing the wrong shoes? Not knowing the correct dance moves to Warriors of the World? Have an incomplete 180gm vinyl discography of Manilla Road? Let’s find out, shall we?

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Anthrax – Worship Music

Anthrax – Worship Music

Anthrax – Worship Music

The accepted divergence point for Anthrax fans is the 1992 departure of charismatic front-man, Joey Belladonna. His firing marked a further shift towards darker, more straight-faced heavy metal which distinguished Persistence of Time from earlier material so the question is this. After 19 years in the thankless wastelands of solo recording, will his glorious return unite fans old & new in a golden era of peace, love & tongue-in-cheek thrash? Well, let’s find out, shall we?

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Origin – Entity

Origin – Entity

Origin – Entity

Origin more or less set the benchmark when it comes to ridiculous death metal. Faster than an espresso fuelled gravity-blasting cheetah, their last few releases have established them as the most consistent purveyors of first class brutality and the go to men when you simply must have your internal organs scrambled into a lumpy red smoothie as soon as possible.

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Clutch & GWAR – ABC, Glasgow 13/06/11

My nigh-overwhelming feelings of excitement & glee turned to one of horror when I was met on arrival at the venue with news that Panic Cell would not be playing. It was with a heavy heart that I put my Luke Bell Collectible Pint GlassTM & Luke Bell Collectible CodpieceTM back in my Luke Bell Collectible Collectible CaseTM & lodged them safely in the cloak-room. Their time will come, Luke. I just know it. [Update : Panic Cell are splitting this weekend so their time won't come. Why, Luke, Why!?]

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Decapitated – Carnival Is Forever

Decapitated – Carnival Is Forever

Decapitated – Carnival Is Forever

Blasting Back

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Fuck you, Glasgow. Seriously, blame the promoter, blame the venue. I don’t care but this is Soilent fucking Green & you can’t put together a crowd of 60 people on a Friday fucking night. Fuck you right in your lazy, sagging cunts. Anyway, a couple of overpriced pints later we are stood in front of the stage with enough room to swing a particularly large sack of donkeys just in time for London’s newest musical export.

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Morbid Angel – Illud Divinum Insanus

Morbid Angel – Illud Divinum Insanus

Morbid Angel – Illud Divinum Insanus

Poo Extreme!

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