10. Sonata Arctica – Out In the Fields (Gary Moore & Phil Lynott)
The original version was one of the ballsiest rock anthems of it’s time, with lyrics such as ‘the fighting has begun’ and ‘death is just a heartbeat away’, and with Gary Moore’s epic, strong voice belting them out. Then, lo and behold, these finnish lads have to go and make it a softy anthem with Tony Kakko’s pussy vocals and the excessive amount of keyboards Sonata Arctica seem to have been putting into their recent albums. This is supposed to be a battle song, not a whingey poem. Gary and Phil must be spinning in their graves.
9. Throwdown – Becoming (Pantera)
Now Throwdown, just because you are a heavily noisy groove metal band does NOT give you the ability to do a good Pantera cover. You are not Pantera and you never will be. You would be more suited to doing limb-swinging hardcore than groove metal.
8. Six Feet Under – Jailbreak (Thin Lizzy)
I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again – death metal covers of classic rock songs sound completely ridiculous, and this is living proof. What’s worse is that Six Feet Under went from this to doing a complete cover/ripping apart of AC/DC’s entire Back In Black album. Chris Barnes must really regret leaving Cannibal Corpse if he has sunk this low.
7. Fightstar – Breaking The Law (Judas Priest)
Ok, an ex-member of the talentless excuse for a ‘band’, Busted, forming what he claims to be a ‘metal band’ but are actually just a sad attempt at alternative/nu-metal turning one of metal’s true anthems into a nu-metal/screamo song? In the words of Priest themselves – ‘ALL! GUNS! ALL GUNS BLAZING!’
6. Amon Amarth – Aerials (System Of A Down)
Now, shitty bands destroying classic metal tracks is one thing – but killer bands like Amon Amarth covering god-awful nu-metal tracks by SOAD is really taking the piss. You disappoint me, Johan Hegg. Make this the last time!
5. Norther – The Final Countdown (Europe)
Why, oh why did we have to have a good old fist-in-the-air 80s rock anthem turned into a gallopy finnish folk metal song? There was just no need! Maybe the guilt of ruining this classic is what caused Petri Lindroos to quit the band and join Ensiferum. And fucking rightly so!
4. DevilDriver – Wasted Years (Iron Maiden)
A song which a lot of Maiden worshippers (including myself) would describe as the greatest song Maiden ever done has been butchered into a growly mess by Dez ‘Please love me, i was in Coal Chamber’ Fafara and his bunch of Pantera wannabes. At least Thunderstone didn’t tamper with it in any way, shape or formwhen they covered it, you stud-faced wretch!
3. Wednesday 13 – Rock N Roll All Nite (Kiss)
Time to face the truth, little goth girlies – the Murderdolls are NOT a glam metal band! Just because Wednesday 13 is heavily influenced by glam metal (or so he claims) does NOT change the fact that he is a talentless image-based poser who spends more time worrying about how many different shades of red and black he has to wear on stage, and this less than average attempt to hide it proves it very clearly.
2. Killswitch Engage – Holy Diver (Dio)
The fact that there are mongoloids out there who thought that this was a Killswitch original is almost as blasphemous as the desecration of the late Ronnie James Dio’s signature classic. The addition of screamo vocals, the loss of the guitar solos and the cheesy attempt at an 80s-style vid make this one of the biggest pieces of infamy in metal history. We can only pray that when this band die, the spirit of Ronnie Dio will cast them out of metal valhalla and into the deep, dark, fiery AIDS pit.
And the ‘winner’ is…………………
1. Children Of Bodom – Pretty much every cover they have ever done!
The finnish sellouts known as Children Of Bodom have been known for throwing one or two completely pish cover song on each of their albums. But when they go and release an entire album of these shitty covers, you have to ask yourself “Did Alexi Laiho spend enough time in rehab?”. On this monstrosity of an album entitled Skeletons In The Closet not only have they completely desecrated a whole bunch of classics including Suicidal Tendencies’ War Inside My Head, Trust/Anthrax’s Antisocial and Bed Of Nails by Alice Cooper, but they even had the balls (and i say that loosely) to cover some of the most ridiculous choices of songs any metal band could ever think of, including Oops…I Did It Again by Britney “Big fat pig legs” Spears and She Is Beautiful by Andrew W.K.. And to think, these guys were actually serious about their music at one point. God help us all!