Quantum Cat Ass Trophy
Brain Drill have shot to the summit of the mountain of technical death metal, threatening to actually complete music itself on their debut Apocalyptic Feasting (narrowly missing out by not calling it Apocalyptic Fisting) and now return with Quantum Catastrophe, 8 tracks of laidback, chillout groove that even your gran will be nodding her head to. No… Wait… I clicked the wrong button. Actually what they present here is the sound of your soul being agonizingly made flesh and then forced into a threshing machine by an evil hillbilly. It’s the sound of a mutant, radioactive orang-utan raping spree recorded, amplified 346 times and committed to compact disc. It’s the sound of the absolute, final word in brutality and metallic musical over ambition being sprayed into your face like a 2-second burst from a GAU-8 Avenger.
There are 8 tracks here so you have one for each day of the week and a spare in case you feel ambitious. For anyone but the most die-hard fan of brutal death metal, listening to this in one swoop will probably leave your anus looking like the waistband of Rik Waller’s most worn-in sweatpants, as the concept of ringing chords and anything less than 64th notes are disdainfully cast aside like a delivery of contraceptives in Africa.
Obliteration Untold picks right up where the last album left off, with the bass and drumming showing that this band, which is very much guitarist Dylan Ruskin’s baby, has not even broken stride with the recruitment of Ivan Mungia and Ron Casey (replacing Jeff Hughell and Marco Pitruzzella respectively) and only occasionally does the onslaught of sweeps, pick taps and gravity blasting let up and allow you to take a breath, which makes the experience a lot like being waterboarded by the CIA …Only a bit more intense. There is a little more variation on Beyond Bludgeoned, however, which is probably why it was chosen for their promo video. It’s unlikely to be bothering the charts anytime soon, though, as it still sounds like a guitar, some spanners and a lion in a warp speed cement mixer.
If you’ve ever wondered what the sound of 1000 babies being viciously raped by a kilopenis-toting nonce is, watch this.
Awaiting Immenent Destruction and Nemesis Of Neglect continue the form, and it’s fair to say that the album never once drops below 769 miles an hour. Which means it’s actually past your ears before you even hear it. While most death metal bands throw in a burst of speed or technical flourishes to their standard pace riffs and passages in order to add a little drama, precisely the opposite is true of Brain Drill, but this inverse approach works really rather well, striking a (marginally) more listenable balance than on their debut.
Mercy To None sounds like Cannibal Corpse on fast-forward, Entity of Extinction is like putting your face into a blender while someone forcibly puts the nozzle of a sandblaster roughly into your anus and turns the power to 10, and Monumental Failure, having been released as a teaser for the album some time ago, feels like an old friend. …If you’re friends with Jeffrey Dahmer and he’s just imbibed 3 litres of absinthe and partaken of a huge holdall full of crack and PCP, that is. The title track is the last to come, and clocking in at almost 11 minutes (without the ambient noise outro) it is essentially the Freebird of brutality, an epic that contains more notes and drum strokes than AC/DC have managed in their entire fucking career.
It’s hard to give this album an objective review as it really will be a case of loving it for the way it pushes everything above and beyond limits, or hating it for, well, precisely the same reason. Basically, fans will love it because it’s almost exactly the same as their last release, and sceptics will hate it. It’s really up to you, dear reader. So, having established that it’s either 1 or 5 Grimmetts, I duly declare it to be…