Cauldron Conjure The Fucking Mass On A Cold Monday In Glasgow
Yesterday was a sad day for the Scottish metal scene. I know it was a Monday night, I know that somewhere down the line posters were printed with the wrong date on, I know there are a ton of metal gigs on this month but I still think that there should be a turn out of more than 50 people when bands of Wolf/Cauldron’s calibre actually bother to do a Scottish date. All I hear is bitching and complaining that no bands play Scotland and then whenever someone puts on a gig that’s not Slayer/Machine Head/Lamb of God, no one fucking turns up. Anyway, that’s my rant over, on to the review.
Proceedings were opened by local death metallers, Facegrinder. I’ve seen them before supporting Onslaught and know they are much better than last nights performance indicated. Their whole set went all kinds of wrong. They took to the stage missing their bassist, the lead guitarist’s mum had just been chucked out by an over-zealous bouncer, the sound was muddier than an Indonesian village during the rainy season & their singer looked to be suffering from the hangover from hell. They get a Grimmett for turning up & one because in the middle of the set, their singer wandered off to the bar and bought himself another pint.
The gig properly began when Canada’s finest NWOBHM (no irony intended or needed) revivalists, Cauldron stormed the stage. Cauldron’s particular brand of heavy metal hails from the days when core was something you found in an apple, fringes were cut using a spirit level & tight jeans were accompanied by high tops, not Converse. The size of the crowd, combined with his untamed vocal delivery meant that Jason Decay’s microphone was almost completely unnecessary. Cauldron are the complete package: catchy, heavy riffing, perfectly timed Priest-esque synchronised head banging, solos performed at a 90Â° angle balanced on top of the monitor. All this is carried out without effects, without swapping guitars & done with such confidence that you wouldn’t believe they’ve only been going 3 years. The set might have only clocked in at 40 minutes but by the end of it, they own the place & there’s not a single person in the crowd that isn’t erupting with NWOBHM jizz.
Wolf were given a hard task to follow but from the opener, Speed On from the excellent Ravenous album until the closer, In The Shadow of Steel, they showed they weren’t going down without a fight. Despite never quite connecting with the crowd in the same way Cauldron did, the set-list was perfect & they were tighter than a Nun’s cunt. Highlights included Curse You Salem, Hail Caesar & discovering that Lee Dorian’s Swedish twin brother sings for Wolf.
All in all, it was an excellent night that underscored the massive problem with Scottish metal fans & their general unwillingness to attend anything that doesn’t feature Trivium. It’s the latest in a long line of well promoted, poorly attended gigs & it’s no fucking wonder that promoters aren’t willing to risk putting on smaller gigs. Next time I hear a complaint that no good bands play Scotland from someone that won’t support their scene by attending a couple of events a year, I’m gonna rip their fucking throat out, shit down their wind pipe and let a tramp rape the turd-stained esophagus.