Tag Archive: 5


Atlantean Kodex – The Golden Bough

Atlantean Kodex – The Golden Bough

Atlantean Kodex – The Golden Bough

It’s high time then for the new guard to don their finest leather posing pouches and mount a true metal take over. At the forefront are Atlantean Kodex, providing music as weighty as Thor’s ballbag and twice as cheesy, showing us what the Kings Of Metal would sound like if they erased their memories, Men In Black style, and began again today. The album opens with Fountain of Nepenthe – a 10 minute leviathan to ease you into the proceedings. With creaking galley sound effects, a riff that is more metal than an oil tanker full of titanium ball bearings and Markus Becker’s mournful yet upliftingly powerful vocals, this song is everything you need in your life and more. The following track, Pilgrim, is 12 minutes long and sounds a bit like Dark Avenger would if it was written by an old, grey haired Templar Knight who had fought in 1000 brutal battles using only his bare knuckles as a weapon before forging a guitar from the fear and pain of his enemies. It can only be described as a journey. A journey to boner city in the year 1100 and back again.

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Hail Of Bullets – On Divine Winds

Hail Of Bullets – On Divine Winds

Hail Of Bullets – On Divine Winds

The dominatingly high standard of Hail Of Bullets’ previous releases has had Leave The Hall collectively salivating for more with a fervour that can only be compared to the way Christianity fans felt after Jesus left them on a bit of a cliffhanger with the infamous faked death storyline back in AD 30. Having reviewed …Of Frost And War last year and awarded it a ballsy 4.5 Grimmetts, will the war-fuelled fire of creative genius still be burning bright in 2010?

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Overkill – Ironbound

Overkill – Ironbound

Overkill – Ironbound

Thrash metal’s recent resurgence has left us with a few shining gems in a sea of mediocrity & recycled Exodus riffs. Whilst we looked to the future & filtered the wheat from the chaff, the thrash from the trash, the Gama Bombs from the Eviles,  New Jersey’s finest were putting together a masterpiece. Overkill have never been particularly progressive, they never went down the death vocals route a la Testament, the penis-flavoured corporate rock sound of Metallica. No, they preferred to thrash the old way, hitting everything head on with their punk-influenced brand of musical destruction & have the odd stroke on the way.

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Nile – Those Whom the Gods Detest

Nile – Those Whom the Gods Detest

Nile – Those Whom the Gods Detest

Nile albums generally transcend any predetermined preconceptions of what a listening experience is, instead crafting huge sonic landscapes that whisk you back 5000 years to the banks of the river from which they take their name, so that you can almost feel the Egyptian sun scorching your back, as some slave driver whips you harder to construct the Sphinx’s giant stone phallus (this may or may not exist outside of my mind). Luckily for us, Nile do not have magical time travelling powers or, to my knowledge, whips, and instead settle for scorching and lashing your face with their enormous metaphorical phallus of death metal on this, their sixth, album.

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Cormorant – Metazoa

Cormorant – Metazoa

Cormorant – Metazoa

Pinning Cormorant down to a single genre would be about as productive & as easy as stapling a turd to the back of a particularly pissed off badger. However, if you really insist on having something to put in that tantalising “Genre” box in your iTunes, I’d say they play progressive blackened death metal.

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Megadeth – Endgame

Megadeth – Endgame

Megadeth – Endgame

Dave Mustaine is a bit of a cunt. It is his biggest problem, but is also his best feature and my favourite thing about him. He is like a cartoon villain, constantly whining about Metallica, then saying how ‘over it’ he is and how he loves them all, before saying Lars is a rat faced little fuckrag that couldn’t drum his way out of a wet paper bag, or words to that effect. He had the all-time classic heel-turn of becoming a born-again Christian. He has given interviews about how awesome his new band line-up is, yet he is the only member of the band on the back cover of Endgame. He constantly winds people up and makes them angry, calling Kerry King a big fat shit head-tattooed inbred with gay sunglasses and no ability to play the guitar (or words to that effect) about 30 seconds before announcing a tour with Slayer. For the last decade and a half (at least), people could say that Dave Mustaine was all mouth and no trousers, but with Endgame he has now created and donned a large pair of solid gold trousers with ‘Suck ma plums’ embroidered on the crotch in neon lights.

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